Review of Pop Video

First of all, let me just say that I have apparently been hanging out at the Shaazay Café way too much. If you start to see that my reviews contain gratuitous use of the word, "fuckers"; it’s all their fault. I was corrupted.

Ok, I have now seen this video a grand total of two times (thanks to Making the Video), so I think I can give it a review. Heck, I might even toss a review of the Making the Video in here. I know…I know…you can thank me later.

So, here’s the synopsis.

The video starts off with a girl who looks a little like an ethnic Kim Smith eating some cereal in her apartment. Her tv is on. Suddenly Justin comes on the screen and starts doing this wild, manic commercial for Pop. Justin looks seriously deranged in this scene and he scares me. Apparently he scared the girl too because she drops her bowl of cereal on the floor. Then we as the audience get treated to a view of her bare feet. Now, let me just say something really quick here – feet are disgusting, I don’t care how beautiful you are up top, everyone has nasty feet, and I’m a little upset at Wayne for making me look at that.

So, after the whole cereal fiasco, the girl gets sucked up into the Pop world and we see her intermittently; but really nobody cares about her. What we care about is the five young men who are prancing around this cool, disco-like world that for some reason reminds of Xanadu. Do you guys know what I’m talking about? The totally cheesy movie with Olivia Newton-John? She’s a muse and she helps this guy build a roller-skating club called Xanadu while singing some really funky songs and running around on roller skates?

Cool movie. Total cheese. ELO rocks.

Anyway, so the guys dance and look good for the camera and then suddenly, the girl is tossed out of Xanadu and is back in her apartment, which is now full of day-glo bubbles and a floor that lights up like a disco. And of course, now she has to clean the milk and cereal off the floor.

Yup, that’s the synopsis of the video. Now onward to my little comments…you know…things I noticed that made an impression on me. Here we go:

Lance can dance! When the hell did this happen and why wasn’t I informed about it before? I mean like really dance, to the point where I don’t think anyone can disagree. So, again I ask; when did this happen? And how? Maybe the rest of the guys locked him in a room with Wade and told him he couldn’t come out until he could boogie. Or maybe they told him that they were going to take away his supply of Hard Lemon if he didn’t shape up. Well, whatever it was, the boy was workin’ it. I think I speak for the majority of NSYNC fans when I say that I was very proud of the little country boy.

The video made me really, really dizzy. Dang Wayne! Couldn’t you have put the camera on someone for more than two seconds? I wonder if I can sue for that?

Poor Chris. I think Wayne hates him or something. Otherwise why would you take a guy who’s afraid of heights and put him way the heck up there on that long platform? I too am afraid of heights and if it had been me, let me tell you, there’s no way in hell you could have gotten me up there. Seriously, I can even imagine how the conversation would go. ----

I could totally tell that it was Wade and not Joey in the dance sequences. And you know what? It didn’t bother me one bit.

Why did they have to put Joey on the couch with the hoes? I personally don’t feel the need to see him in his natural environment doing his thang.

Is it just me or is Wade slightly lickable?

Since when did Lance’s arms get as big as Justin’s? God, that boy’s body is working overtime churning out the testosterone these days. It’s like his body is making up for the effeminate years when he looked like Ellen. Well, all I can say is – Lance, you are one sexy bitch. You ever considered getting it on with an older woman? Ahem…just asking.

Speaking of Lance, why did they put the albino in the white room? Don’t they know that albinos just fade into a white background? And why did they only show said albino for a total of, like, 3.2 seconds? Damn that Wayne! First Chris and now Lance. This reign of tyranny and Justin-favoring has to end.

Justin, if I give you five dollars will you grow your hair back? Please? Pretty please? Will you do it for ten? See, the thing is, your new look scares me a little. Seriously. If I didn’t know who you were and I saw you on a dark street, I’d grab my mace and run for my life. All right, all right…fifteen dollars and that’s my final offer.

JC scares me. He scares my daughter too. When she saw the video she made a comment that he looks like a werewolf. JC has a definite problem here. He has to decide whether he wants to look like John Taylor or a werewolf. One or the other. Pick a look and stay with it JC! And for goodness sake’s – tame that hair!

Chris appears to have lost his post-traumatic extra weight. Either that or he’s hiding it really well.

Chris looks really good in black. It’s completely his color and goes so well with his complexion. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that Chris is a winter, which means dark colors, neutrals and silver jewelry. What do you think? Am I right or what?

Hmmm…I think that’s all I have on the video. Now as for the Making of the Video, here’s what I got out of that:

Chris is one funny motherfucker. (What did I tell you? Shaazay Café’s fault). He had me cracking up through the whole thing. Everything from the "are we done yet? Are we done yet?" to the ride on Joey’s wheelchair or whatever it was. I was totally LMAO when he asks, "Can you see me behind JC’s hair?" Actually, Chris…no we couldn’t.

The more I think about it, the more I think that maybe JC had a big part in Chris being put on the high platform. I think it was revenge for the hair comment. Seriously, JC is evil like that. We already know he beats the other guys.

JC crashing into the thingie (I don’t know what it was) was quite amusing. Even more amusing was the fact that Justin laughed his ass off at him without even checking to see if he was ok first. True friendship right there, baby. BTW…you just know that after the shoot, JC beat Justin severely for that.

Me like WadeJoey. Me think Wade is a little dance hottie. Me wonder if Wade beats JC. Well, somebody has to.

God, Justin is such a dork! What was up with that scene in the limo or whatever? You know; where he’s just rambling on about something or other? And yet, why do I find myself attracted to the dork? Why do I find myself wanting to chain him to my bed and cover him in whipped cream while the song "I Want Your Sex" plays in the background? Oh, I know…it’s the Golden Child factor again.

Hey! You know what I just thought of? There were bubbles in this video. There were bubbles in the TIPY video. Coincidence? I think not. I think that idea was JC’s contribution to the video. Well, that and being put in a room where he gets molested by a bunch of hootchie mamas.

So, here’s the moment you’ve been waiting for. The ratings.

The video gets a 7. Entertaining, but it makes me dizzy and there’s not enough of Lance.

The Making the Video gets a 10. Yes folks, a 10. That was just pure entertainment from beginning to end. Mostly due to Chris being so damn funny. He’s also too freaking cute for words but that’s a whole other story.

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