Author's notes: Ok, I was watching MTV and I saw the commercial for Fear, the show where these people are put inside a supposedly haunted prison for 72 hours with little cameras, and I started thinking...hmmmmm...what if those people were NSYNC! Wouldn't THAT be a cool show?
Fear (NSYNC Style)
We open with the boys at the entrance of the deserted prison. They're all wearing little cameras and are all holding flashlights. The doors clang shut behind them and the producer waves.
Producer: Bye guys! Have a good time and remember: try not to get killed!
Justin (looking around nervously at the dark prison): Somebody tell me again why we're doing this.
JC: Because we decided that we were going to be on every television show in America if it kills us! How many times do I have to tell you Justin?!
Justin: Yo, chill! I got it, aight. Damn, who stuck the pole up your ass this morning?
JC: Justin, don't make me have to beat you! Just because I don't have my whip doesn't mean I can't still whoop your ass!
Lance: Enough! Be quiet or I'll kick both your asses! Let's try to remember we're on national tv here and show a little decorum.
JC and Justin (looking at the ground meekly): Sorry Lance.
Lance: Alright, that's better. Now we're supposed to walk through this prison and see if it's haunted. So, let's get moving and get this over with so we can all get on with our lives.
Joey (whispering to Chris): When did Lance turn into such a hardass?
Chris: Ever since he got some from that crazy Isolde13 chick. He got all confident and now he thinks he's hard guy.
Lance: I heard that!
Joey and Chris: Sorry Lance.
The boys form a tight group and begin walking through the dark halls shining their little flashlights all around. JC, as usual, is in front. The rest of the guys are clustered around him except for Justin who is clutching his arm. They walk for about two minutes before Justin speaks.
Justin: Well, I don't see nothin'. Let's go!
JC: Justin, quit being such a wuss! Everyone knows there's no such things as ghosts anyway. And get off my arm!
Lance: That's right. We'll walk around here a few times, declare it ghost free and go home.
Chris: Yeah! In the words of Ray Parker Jr., "I ain't afraid of no ghosts!" Ha, ha, ha!
Justin: Who?
Chris (shakes head sadly): Never mind.
Joey: Hey guys, you think they got a snack bar around here?
Lance: Joey, this prison's been shut down for 50 years!
Joey: And your point would be what?
JC: Ok! You know what? I just had one of my brilliant ideas! Why don't we split up? That way we can cover more ground and I won't have to put up with you people!
Justin (whining): But JC, dis place be scary, yo! And if there's any ghosts in here, you know they be comin' straight for me, cause I's got it going on, knowwhatimsayin?
JC (mumbles to himself): Why me, lord? Why? (Out loud) Justin, don't make me have to come over there and kick your ass!
Lance: Let me JC.
Lance proceeds to take Justin in the corner and open up a can of whoop ass on him. After a minute they come out of the corner, Justin sniffling softly and holding his jaw and Lance rubbing his hands together happily.
JC: Thanks Lance. Now anyone else want to question my ideas and authority?
Chris and Joey: No JC.
JC: Good, now let's split up like I said.
So the boys split up and begin to wander around on their own. 30 minutes later, they are all lost and afraid, having seen horrible things no one should have to see...
We find Justin cowering in a corner. In his 30 minutes he encountered 58 ghosts and every single one of them tried to touch his ass.
Justin (talking into his little camera, so scared he can't use his Ebonics): Damn, I knew this was going to happen! JC and his bright ideas. Split up he says! No ghosts he says! Listen up America. If I don't make it out alive, I want everyone to be brave and try to go on. I know a world without THE Justin Timberlake just won't be the same, but there are others you can idolize. Of course they won't be as fine as me. Or as talented. Or as sexy....(goes on like this for awhile).
Next, we find Lance in another corner. He's actually pretty calm.
Lance (talking into his little camera): I can't believe I got myself lost in this godforsaken prison. Well, I was able to beat off a few of these ghosts by telling them I'm from Mississippi and spelling it for them. Apparently, that frightened them. But I'm afraid they'll come back. So, just in case I don't make it out alive...I'm going to leave my legacy. How to apply makeup so you too can have these androgynous good looks. Just because you're about to be murdered by dead convicts doesn't give you an excuse to look bad. First you take foundation and...(goes on like this for awhile).
Next, we find Joey cowering in yet another corner.
Joey (crying hysterically into his little camera): Oh! My! God! Somebody help me! This is my worst nightmare! There is no food here. None! I've looked everywhere! What am I going to do? I don't want to die! No food, no hoes! This is hell! I've never been so afraid. Oh God!!!! (breaks down sobbing).
Next, we find JC, in surprise! another corner.
JC (speaking into his camera with white powder under his nose): Day-um! I feel good! I feel good! Like I knew that I would now! (Proceeds to sing the James Brown song for awhile). Damn, I am so talented. I have got to find a way to go solo so I can show the world my true talent. (Pauses) But damn I feel good! (Begins to sing the James Brown song again. This too goes on for awhile).
Suddenly, a piercing, really high, girly scream is heard throughout the prison.
Justin: Yo, that be Chris! (jumps up and starts running).
Lance: Oh my heaven's, Chris is in trouble! I'd better go save him! (jumps up and starts running).
Joey: Hey, a girl! Alright! Time to get some action! (jumps up and starts running).
JC: Oh damn, what now! Ugh! I might as well get up and see what's going on. (drags himself up and starts wandering).
The four guys all manage to find Chris at the same time. Chris is holding a sign in his hands and shrieking hysterically. JC looks at the sign...it says "Chris, you are not funny. Love, the ghosts."
Chris (still shrieking): Oh the horror! The horror!
JC (whaps Chris upside the head): Could you please stop screaming like that? You're going to break the glass in our cameras!
Chris (stops shrieking but still sounds like a girl): We're doomed. These ghosts are evil. Evil I tell you!
Joey: Hey, where's the fly honey?
Lance,JC,Justin,Chris: Joey!
Suddenly, the boys hear a horrible screeching sound. Seeing that Chris isn't making it this time, they all turn around and find themselves face to face with all the ghosts in the prison. And boy do they look pissed! Needless to say, the boys are scared shitless.
Justin: Oh my god, we're going to die! (falls to his knees) Don't kill me Mr. Ghosts. I'm too young and pretty to die! Take them instead, they have nothing going for them, they have nothing to live for!
Lance: Thanks Justin. But wait! I have an idea! JC, start doing the dance routine from Bye,Bye,Bye.
JC: Huh? You want me to dance?
Lance: Yes, and hurry, the ghosts are advancing! Dance!
So, JC starts dancing in his usual "energetic" style. The rest of the guys start singing "Go JC, go JC. It's your birthday, get busy." As JC's arms and legs begin to flail wildly, the rest of the boys duck for cover. The ghosts, not knowing what to expect, just stand there and are soon pulverized by JC's moves.
Justin: Yo JC, you did it! You saved us homes!
The guys gather for a group hug as they cheer. Suddenly the lights in the prison are all turned on. The boys turn around in confusion and come face to face with the producer.
Producer: Come on guys. Time to go home. Get your little cameras and let's go.
JC: But we're not done yet. We haven't even walked the entire length of the prison. I'm sure even more exciting stuff will happen later for the American public to enjoy.
Producer: That's just it. No one's watching the show. Everyone in America was so disgusted by your antics that they all threw their tv sets out the window.
Joey: Even the teenyboppers?
Producer: Even the teenyboppers. Now, get your sorry asses out of here so I can go home and bitch about what a failure this has been and drink myself into a stupor.
So, the boys walk out of the prison feeling very embarressed. Except for JC who's pissed.
JC (vein throbbing in his forehead): There's gonna be some serious ass whoopins when we get home!
THE END