Review of Celebrity CD
Yes, I finally broke down and bought the damn thing. I held out for a whole week by telling myself that I would listen to more of the songs from it before buying it. Then, I was at Borders Books today, innocently looking around, when I found myself walking towards the CD section. After that, all was lost. Especially when I saw that the CD was on sale for $12.99.
So, I did it. I succumbed to the pressure and gave NSYNC some more of my money. As if they don’t have enough of it already. Greedy bastards.
Now, when I say that this is a review of the CD, I mean the CD cover and all the fun stuff inside. Not the songs on it. I haven’t gotten that far yet, see. So, here we go…
First let’s start with the cover. I like the cover. It’s got a Beatles’ Sergeant Pepper feel to it. Cool. I also like that the guys are walking towards us with serious looks on their faces. Makes ‘em look all tough and shit. Like they’re saying, "Don’t even think about messing with me. Just cause I’m sexy as hell, don’t mean I can’t take you out. Bitch." The clothes that they’re wearing only help to accentuate the tough guy image. All black with touches of silver. Niiiice… You can never go wrong with black. Hell, even JC looked presentable. I know! I was shocked myself.
Now, on to a little critique of the cover, seeing as all I’ve done so far is say good things. And that is so not my style. Ahem…what is on Chris’ cheek? There’s a black mark like a scar or something on it. I dunno, maybe it’s just my copy that has it. Whatever it is though (and I’m thinking poor editing), it’s bugging the crap out of me.
But enough of that. Let’s move on to Lance. Will someone please tell me what the hell he’s doing? Why is he the only one looking to the side and why are his hands up in the air as if he’s warding off evil spirits? My goodness Lance, what are we going to do with you? This picture would have looked a hundred times better if Lance had been looking straight ahead and only holding up one hand. Yes, it would have. And AGAIN, I wonder why they don’t come to me and ask for my opinion before they attempt to go all arty and hip. What is wrong with them? With me on their side, they would never look dorky again, I’ll tell you that right now.
Ah, so anyway, enough ranting. Let’s look inside the CD cover. Let’s go check out the liner notes.
We’ll start with Justin’s cause he’s first. Actually, let’s start with Justin’s black and white picture. Justin looks…well…great in this picture. Normally I’d associate Justin with words like fine or sexy, but that’s not the look here. At least not for me. He looks young. He looks like he has very clear skin. He looks somewhat androgynous. He looks…pretty, I guess. If I had to find a word to describe him here, I’d go with pretty. Very nice picture. Now as for his liner notes; I’m thinking there was some kind of miscommunication between him and the record company people. See he thought he was asked to write the great American novel. Go figure. Ok, nah, just kidding. But holy hell…he about went hog wild didn’t he? Apparently, Justin is a man with a lot to say. Most of it didn’t mean anything to me and got skipped, but the thank you’s to his family were genuinely touching. Good job, Golden Child.
Next is JC’s. JC’s picture looks very nice also. I like the side angle view of his face. His hair is basically under control and his bottom lip looks so damn luscious I just want to start sucking on it. His eyes look very pretty. Kind of a beatnik artist vibe about him. Nice, very nice. Now for his notes. JC didn’t thank God. Shocking, isn’t it! That’s the first thing I noticed. Don’t know why, just did. Did he thank Bobbee? Because if he did, I missed it. Ummm…barely mentioned his family. Ummm…the rest of it was ok. He didn’t go on for too long, didn’t say anything weird. Good job, Fur-coated Tyrant.
Now we move on to Chris’. Ah, the moment I’ve been waiting for. And my little elf does not disappoint. His picture looks great. He’s not doing anything strange with his face, as he sometimes tends to do. Well, maybe he’s squinting his eyes a little, but that to me just looks extra sexy. He just looks very serious, very sedate. He’s got the eyebrows working for him and as usual, those eyes…his best feature. Love their shape; love how dark they are. Mmmm.… God, I could just…wait…having very, very perverted thoughts. Must stop now. The overall effect of the picture? Very un-Chris like. He’s so still, almost stony, unfeeling. And that’s why he looks so inviting.
As for his thank you’s…oh hell. If you don’t get a laugh out of this, then you have no sense of humor. But were we expecting anything different? Once he finally gets to the actual thank you’s he flies through them at lightning speed. Very succinct. I love the last sentence of it all. Let me quote it – "And if you read through this entire thank you, please go out and do a nice thing for somebody." Very nice - crack me up and then finish on a genuinely sweet note. You bastard, this just makes me want you even more. Good job, my Chocolate-eyed Elf.
Whew! This is taking longer than I thought. Let’s move on to Lance, shall we? Let’s begin with the picture. Lance’s is probably the only picture that I don’t like. Why? It’s his eyes. Usually his best feature, here they just look so damn big. I don’t know. Like he was startled or something. No, not that big. But still…big. Actually, I don’t know what the hell it is; it just is. Ok, that made no sense, let’s move on to his thank you’s. He put two quotes from the Bible in there. Nice, he’s still a good Christian although he no longer wears that huge ass crucifix around his neck.
Wait a minute.
Can I say ass and crucifix in the same sentence? Am I going to hell? Probably…let’s move on. His thank you’s were very, ummm…what’s the word??? Businesslike. Mmmhmmm. And I noticed that he thanked Chantal but not Wade (Unless he used some kind of code name for him or something). OUCH! That’s kind of harsh, isn’t it Lance? Why doesn’t the love extend to Wade? Is it a hair thing? Well, either way, you did ok too. Good job, Sexy Bitch.
Ok, and here’s the last, but not least…Joey. Joey looks quite good in his picture. Bit of a side angle, serious shadow on half of his face…nice effect. Because of the shadow, he only has one visible eye, but he’s working it. He’s not giving us a sexy look per se, he just looks confident. He looks damn confident and comfortable and damn it – this is the best Joey picture I’ve seen in a while. Plus you know Joey has great eyebrows. I think they tend to get overlooked because Lance’s get so much attention, but they are very nice. Quite lickable actually.
Hmmm…better move on. So as for Joey’s thank you’s…he thanked Marilyn Monroe and the Rat Pack. What else is there to say? The man has more class than I gave him credit for. Plus he thanked Robert Englund – got to be a special man to know who that is. Damn it Joey! You’re confusing me again. Shit! Now I’m starting to like you again. Damn it all to hell. Oh yeah; good job Superman.
And that’s it. That’s what I think of the look of the CD. Oh, and just so you guys know…So far I’m digging Pop and Two of Us and Gone. Celebrity and The Game is Over make me want to shoot myself. That’s all I’ve managed to listen to so far.
And in the words of the great chef Emeril ---- BAM! I give this CD cover an 8. The inside gets an 8.
And ummm…that’s all I have to say. Yeah, wow, I ran out of stuff to say. Stay tuned for the review of the songs on the CD!